Maria Brockman, LMFT

Holiday Tips When Grieving

While we may want to push the holidays, anniversaries, and special events away to avoid the pain of missing our loved one, if we plan it, it can be a special time to honor and celebrate that person, as well as acknowledge our grief and give ourselves a moment to remember we don’t have to pretend we are doing fine or moving on, as society might like us to have done already. Here are some tips to help you handle the holidays. Please take the time to acknowledge where you are at in your grief journey and bring the spirit of those you have lost into new traditions and new ways of being together. Remember there is no right way to do this. Grief does not come with a manual!

Ways to Honor Your Loved One During Thanksgiving and Christmas

• Light a candle at that Thanksgiving and Christmas table in honor of your loved one. I like to do this once everyone is seated. Sometimes we talk about why we are lighting it and other times we just do it in silence.
• Have everyone mention something they miss about the loved one who has passed.
• Decorate a picture frame for the holidays and with their picture in it, place it in a special place for the holidays.
• Visit the grave on the holiday and share with that person what you miss most about them.
• Have a moment of silence in honor of your loved one.
• Cook their favorite food and have it as a new tradition in your holiday meal.
• Have their favorite flower on the table.
• Play their favorite music during preparation or during the holiday festivities.
• Journal about the last holiday you spent with your loved one.

Ways to Honor Yourself and Your Grief during the Holidays

• Be cautious not to take on too much, it’s ok to do less this holiday season if you need to!
• Plan, plan, plan. I can’t stress enough how it can improve your day to have a clear-cut plan for yourself. Ask yourself how you want to spend the day and try to mix how your feelings and need with the expectations others may have of you. Find a happy medium. Know what things you cannot do and what things you can do.
• Give yourself breaks! If you have a busy day planned allow time for a break, even 5 minutes of quiet for yourself. Take some deep breaths, cry if you need to.
• Have someone you can call or be with who will allow you to share your feelings throughout the days. Having people who support your grief can be very comforting as you work your way through the season.

If you need or want some extra support to manage the season, call me to set up an appointment.